A Time For Us


The what-if's

It always happens, when I speak with someone who brings up memories of my past that I question silently to myself the many possible what-if's that could have been. Instances that may have completely changed my circumstance and situation as I know it today.

I remember them quite vividly in my mind. Pursuers who once my marriage was at it's finality funneled their way out of some unknown hole and found me in my most vulneral stage. It was both overwhelming and flattering. It caught me entirely unpreppared and unexpectedly. Yet, I wasn't quite able to trust these pursuers who were still connected to both myself and my future ex-husband without thinking they were after information and tid-bits that would be later used against me. My trust was not so easily given, and my heart was much the same. I had placed a hard, unclimbable, unpenterable wall around my heart to keep them from entering.

They were all too close to me and my ex-husband and I needed them at arms bay. Nothing could possess me to love any of them.

It was as if I was running away from everyone and everything remotely connected to "Him". The one who decimated my entire world.

Yet, here I sit, wondering, what if I had let down my walls? What if I had let one of them in? I don't know. I never will, I suppose.

However, these questions that plague my mind.

They eat away at me at times, making me wonder.

But the past is the past, and nothing can be changed.

Sometimes, don't you just wish you had a glimpse of what might have been?

I do.

Sometimes. Just sometimes.

9:37 a.m. - 2010-08-16


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